As we all know; X Factor is on tonight at 8pm. As some of you know, I've started to write about it on this very blog (there's at least 17 of you) As most of you will not know however tonight I will be unable to put my live commentary on tonight's episode due a to a blogger meeting and the possibility of getting so rat-arsed I'd be able to count the contours on the unfortunate rodent's colon. But what kind of a person would I be to use that as an excuse to not do any kind of blogging today? Apart from a perfectly normal person who's smart enough that no one gives a crap.
So instead here are my predictions (with no prior knowledge other than what the contestants sound like and what their Judge's taste in films are) of what they will sing in....
X FACTOR - movie magic week
I'm going to put my predictions as to which film sound track song they will sing in alphabetical order of the contestant, for no other reason than I have some time to kill before I'm so full of Sambuca, one little spark and I could be used as a stunt double for the Human Torch
Abi Alton
She's geeky and she's kooky but hardly mysterious or spooky so with that in mind I would definitely say that 'Love Song For A Vampire' (Dracula) is out.
Which leaves with either something from (Juno) or something from (500 Days Of Summer) Either way, it will be have a piano in it
Sam Bailey
Over 25, over the hill and may just sing 'Over The Rainbow' (Wizard of Oz) for good measure, because let's face it; no one has ever thought of attempting a heart felt but misguided cover of what I can only presume is supposed to be Eva Cassidy's version, have they? Saying that she may surprise us and go with something a little more original and only on every other X Factor series rather than every single year. With that in mind 'There You'll Be' (Pearl Harbour)
She or Sharon surely won't be as unimaginative and saccharine as to do 'My Heart Will Go On?' (Titanic) Will they?
Either way it will be a ballad. Either way it will be sung in the wrong key because she doesn't have the right voice and either way it will sound ok but too unusual to be really good.
Either way I will be bored. Sam Callahan
Ok well this guy seems like he may enjoy a good film or so how about 'You Never Can Tell' (Pulp Fiction')
Nope?... ok how about 'Eye of The Tiger'? (Rocky III) You know to really stand out with a memorable performance by choosing an awesome song?
Ok... I guess that just leaves 'Everything I Do I Do It For You' (Robin Hood: Prince Of Theives) at which point I will cry for the death of imaginative thinking.
If he (or anyone) sings 'Iris' (City Of Angels) I will personally enlarge theirs using a bbq tongs. Their narrow minded view of the music must be enhanced in someway, hence their ears will be next.
Kingsland Road
These guys could actually have so little imagination they may just choose any song featured in '1D This Is Us' If they do I really hope it shows the public how unworthy they are to get your votes. There's standing on the shoulders of giants, then there's standing on Harry Styles; and not wanting to do so on his face.
If they do pick an actual film song however, it's going to be from a teen film. With that in mind it has to be 'St Elmos Fire' (The Breakfast Club) Oh damn, sorry wrong decade and far too much taste. My mistake. I meant Carry You 'Kick Ass 2'
Luke Friend
Based on hair alone the only viable option for this dreadlocked bundle of mediocrity is 'Tutti Fruiti' (Predator) but in the end he'll probably make a fool of himself trying to sing something like 'The Blower's Daughter' (Closer)
Nicholas McDonald
He's a little guy with a big voice and a lot of range so naturally the only song he should sing is 'It's A Man's Man's Man World' (A Bronx Tail) or 'When A Man Loves A Woman' (Er...)
He could do 'Flash' (Flash Gordon) but then it's already used in the 'Flash' vote section of the programme, so that would be weird.
When all is said and done however he'll probably just end up singing 'Circle Of Life' (Lion King) But then, what would he sing on Elton John week? He won't know any more of his songs.
Miss Dynamix
This is a tricky one as due them being given a pregnant pause brought on by a panic attack, I haven't heard them perform as of yet. True, I could check Youtube or ITV player for something earlier in the series but I'll be honest I just can't be arsed. Besides, judging by their appearance alone I reckon they will be RnB street style with a touch of hip-pop rather than sounding like Heart, or The Housemartins.
So with that in mind they are obviously going to perform 'Shy Guy' (Bad Boys) Or *shudders* Tina & Ike's 'Proud Mary' (What's Love Gotta Do With It)
Rough Copy
There are so many possibilities with this band and their choice. They could go completely insane and try 'Stuck In The Middle With You' (Reservoir Dogs), 'These Arms Of Mine' (Dirty Dancing) even 'Hip To Be Square' (American Psycho)
But overall I think they will do something a little 'out there' my mixing soul and hip-hop-pop
Maybe a bland version of a Righteous Brothers song; either 'You Lost That Loving Feeling (Top Gun) or Unchained Melody (Ghost)
One of Barlow's bands is definitely going sing 'Rule The World' (Stardust) however
So there we go, will I be right? Will I bumble!
Have fun watching it tonight, I'll have fun not watching it and seeing the world going very blurry
With my glasses still on and empty ones in my hand
THE SECRET KEEPER is a book written by best-selling author Kate Morton. Morton hit the fame's high when her first novel The House At Riverton became an international best-seller.
I have bought this novel some time ago and it has been resting on my shelf until two weeks ago, when I decided to give it a go. As you all know, I am not a big reader of Adult novels as they continuously failed to impress me. I usually stay within the genres I love - Young Adult Novels and Romance, but this book caught my eye. And of course, there is the fact that I am trying to widen my horizons.
Praised by various publications and media, I decided to give it a try and find out for myself, what is this book about. And who wouldn't want to read a book which impressed so many!
"A nuanced exploration of family secrets and betrayal, Morton's latest is captivating. "PEOPLE
" An evocative tale of wartime secrets... beguiling."MARIE CLAIRE GOOD BOOK CLUB
"A haunting story... packed with memorable characters and evocative settings. Cleverly constructed and beautifully written, this is the perfect summer read."CHOICE
Now, reading these reviews, you might think: "Wow, that does sound interesting. You are in for a treat.!" I want you to remember the last recommendation written by Choice. We will come back to in at the end.
Firstly, let me give you a quick summary of the story. We are meeting Laurel who lives a happy family life with 3 sisters, parents and small brother in country sides. Some of us might find the life boring, but the Nicholsons family is a happy family. Until one hot summer day, when Laurel witnesses how her mother Dorothy kills a man. With a cake knife.
Years later, Laurel is Oscar winning actress (twice to be precise) and what has happened that summer afternoon is still on her mind. Her mother is dying and before she passes away, Laurel wants to find out why her mother did such an awful act against another human being.
It all sounds intriguing, doesn't it? I am expecting to not be able to put the book down. Maybe there will be spies for the german or USA. Adventure. Excitement. A Mind-blowing story...
Instead I am stuck with family saga, which is wonderfully written, but pretty boring. I am sorry Ms Morton, but you don't need to write a full paragraph describing how a girl sit on a bed. This book is too descriptive. Too much detail - no room for imagination. And sometimes I just think that the author is just mumbling on. Just get to the point. Make it interesting! Please... I am begging you!
I've been struggling with this book for 2 whole weeks. 588 pages of lost time. I love reading, but through this story I found myself looking for other things to do than read the story. And that is not good. I was able to put it down too easily.
Yes, I can understand that this is an adult novel. And maybe the mumbling of the author is part of adult writing, but I could not relate to any of the main characters. Dolly is a spoilt brat. I caught myself wanting to slap her to realise that there is a war going on around her, people are losing families, homes..everything. And all she cares about is pretty things and that her friend didn't acknowledge her in front of the husband. So I know, I am going to hatch a plan to blackmail her because I think it's justified. NO NO NO!! Girl, wake up!!
Jimmy Metcalf. What a lovely man stuck in love with a pretty girl who actually rejects the proposal for marriage because he isn't rich and she is ashamed of him. And when she decides to come back to him, it's only to use him to full-fill her ill blackmail plan. Boy, seriously, get another girl! This one is not worth the effort!
Anyways, I did continue to read on, even when it has been forced so I can write an honest review about this novel. 350 pages in and I am still finding it boring, we are no closer to find out what has happened. I understand that this is only a part where the author is setting up the scene for a big revelation. But OH MY GOD, make it interesting!! But then it all changes in the third part of the book named VIVIEN.And I am finally meeting a character I am warming up to. I love Vivien. She is such a wonderful person and her story is the best one. I keep reading on and finally get to the big UNEXPECTED TWIST. THANK GOD. I am finally starting to enjoy this book 22 chapters in. That's a very long time.
So I finished the book this morning. I must say that the twist at the end saved the author. Finally I understood why she was telling the story through four different characters. But she could save me a lot of wasted time. I would write it a different way. I didn't like the idea of jumping to presence where Laurel is trying to find out what has happened all those years ago. I don't think it's good for the book. The author could save a lot more trees if the story would be written a slightly different way.
So back to what the CHOICE MAGAZINE said about this book. A haunting story? No, this is not a haunting story. It's actually a pretty boring story with a great twist at the end, but it's not haunting. When you finish the book, you do not sit for a while and think about it. You just put it back on the bookshelf and do not come back to it for a couple of years, if EVER. It's a story which doesn't leave a mark on you.
A book packed with memorable characters and evocative settings? There are two memorable characters. Jimmy and Vivien. Dorothy is just spoilt girl who needs a slap. Evocative settings ? Yes. I did enjoy the parts which took place in London bombed through the WWII.
Cleverly constructed and beautifully written? I can agree with that. Every single chapter which is written in 1941 ties together nicely at the end. So yes, it's cleverly constructed and yes, it's beautifully written. A bit too much descriptive, but beautiful words were used.
A perfect summer read? Now, that depends on how you want to look at it. If you want something to kill the time while sunning on the beach, that yes. You can put the book down and then come back to it later couple days after and you won't miss a thing. But if you are looking for a book which will capture your attention and wouldn't let go.. then the answer is NO. Not for me at least.
So to summarise what I thought about The Secret Keeper. A Pretty boring book with a great unexpected ending and twist. I wish though, that the author would spend less time describing the settings and more time on the story itself.
I Read it. I Wrote the review. I Put it back on my book shelf and won't come back to it. Sorry Kate Morton. But I really didn't like the book for good 75% and wouldn't want to suffer through it again.
Hello all, lots to do and very little time so no big intro today. Enjoy the vids
Kate Nash - Fri-end?
Is it me or is this song auto-tuned? Whatever the answer her vocal sounds distorted enough to hide the annoying, completely flase inflections of her normally cheese grating voice but why does it have the auditory effect of a wall to wall neighbour singing in the shower? It sounds so distant, almost like she's holding the mic away from her for fear of it biting her nose off (should have gone to Specsavers) At times this almost sounds punk. I can actually imagine Johnny Rotten spitting out the words in his usual reserved manner. That's if the lyrics were less about having awkward sex with a friend and more about nice trips to Jersey and abortion.
To Kill A King - Rays
Ok, it's been nearly 2 minutes now and what I've heard thus far is some distant voices, a few ducks and what sounds like someone making a smoothie. I know I'm obviously supposed to watch what is going on with the video rather than just, you know, listening to it: The way music is meant to be experienced by frigging default. I bet you anything, just on the soundtrack alone, the beginning visual accompaniment will not be worth watching. Let me test that.
Yup I was right, although the video overall is fairly good compared to most there is no reason why that intro lasted as long as it did. The video should have begun 2 seconds before the guy starts his out of body popping experience all over the front room.
The song? Oh yeah, sorry. Errr... the song isn't bad. The guy's got a very Neil Hannon vibe to his voice and the song sounds legitimately quirky by being a bit bonkers, rather than just singing in a funny voice or using stupid lyrical references. With such a slow, deliberate yet rich baritone vocal though, overall the song doesn't reach the excitement the fast paced guitar is working so hard to generate. So while catchy the song loses impact by having too much contrast between it's two main driving elements.
Ms Dynamite and Shy FX - Cloud 9
You know it's been so long sing I heard a Ms Dynamite-tee heeee song I've almost forgotten what she sounded like. Well after hearing this 3 times I can honestly say I still can't remember what Ms Dynamite sounded like. Hang on a minute...
Right Ms Dynamite had a very distinctive sing-rap voice with some bossy no nonsense lyrics about life on the streets with some of the background music having a similar eerie ambience comparable to Portished. Ok I remember now, which the begs the question of who was that was singing Cloud 9? Sure as hell didn't sound like Ms Dynamite to me hee heeee
I don't feel much with this song, sounds quite Basment Jaxx at times, but not one of their better ones. Frantic percussion tries to keep the song interesting but it sounds far to tinny, almost like it's being performed by a hyperactive child on a Argos My First Drum Kit after too much Sunny D. I kind of got bored after hearing it the 2nd time and only just managed to keep awake long enough to get through the third before dropping off so ironically the only thing that would wake me up would be an explosion caused by some Dynamite-tee heeeeee.
Ok I'll stop that now.
Ms Mr - Fantasy
I've met you before haven't I? Didn't I say I liked you but seemed to lack a good hook to overall well written songs? That maybe you needed to work on making the chorus more memorable to turn what it is ordinary to very memorable track? Did you listen to me? Nope, apparently not.
The vocals are nice but sound a bit constricted. Not in terms of a bad performance, more they seem like that want to break out and do something more interesting but are confined by the limits of the song. As such they sound quite empty and a bit bored. Lana Del Ray suffers from the same problem on Summertime Sadness (especially the chorus in the remix)
I'm not saying this is bad (it would be further down the list if it was, you know the format is pretty set now) but after hearing it 3 times in a row I had no desire to hear it again. Good background music that's crying out something more. This song to me is chips. Chips are good, nothing wrong with chips (even if your a hardcore veggie) but... chips and mayonnaise? Yum to the tum tum. That's what this song needs; musical mayonnaise.
Reconnected - Time Of Our Lives
Apparently they were another bunch of losers on X Factor... I don't recall them at all. *checks Wikipedia* Oops my mistake, they were on Britain's Got Talent.... in 2010. Way to make the biggest impact when you're fresh in no one's mind, guys.
The song itself isn't bad but not great. I'm calling autotune on parts of it, especially the chorus where Draco Malfoy belts out notes with the all timbre and emotion of Skynet. Also, is it me or do they all look far too young for the girls that are so obviously being paid to be there? Especially the beautifully formed bundle of redheaded hotness in the frilly swimwear and tattoo on her hip.
I may have accidently watched the video of this more than once in retrospect. On mute of course
Parov Stelar FT Marvin Gaye - Keep On Dancing'
I went on bit of a musical history lesson with this song: Got To Give It Up is a song by Marvin Gaye and his vocals were sampled for 'Keep On Dancing', yes that 'float on a cloud' falsetto belongs to the soul man himself. What's interesting is that is that if you listen to the original by Gaye, you notice some very familiar WOOOO's and a fantastically catchy bassline. Care to explain Mr #Thicke?
Yeah it turns out pretty much everything that made Blurred Lines good (which wasn't a lot) is because of how much it sampled from this Marvin Gaye song. This is probably old news to most but I honestly had no idea. Damn you Pharrell, you used to have skills man.
Anyway back to this song; I actually think Gaye's sampled voice works really well with the electro beat super smooth production. When that Nile Rogers-esque guitar part comes in it creates a very nice sound indeed. Hell, it might be Rogers himself playing it for all I know, that man has got around more the last year or so than he has the entire nineties and noughties combined.
Selena Gomez - Slow Down
Hmm that guitar riff at the beginning seems quite familiar; can't imagine where from (see Pink 'Raise Your Glass & Jessie J 'It's My Party respectively)
Did Selena Gomez get famous for singing? If so why is she singing through a laptop rather than a microphone? I really can't stand these pointless pop records and this one seems to have no purpose other than to say 'Selena Gomez has released a new single, isn't she famous!'
There's nothing to this song because it's all a big bunch of nothing and processors that created it. The production sounds as fake as Gomez's voice and if your going to name-check Mr T and then have the audacity to quote him saying 'You're ready for inspection' you better damn well put a 'fool' at the end. Fool!
James Arthur - You’re Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You
Ah yes, the winner of X Factor... last year. I could be wrong but I think this is the first thing he has released since that X Factor winner induced Christmas number one, dub-step, re-hash, remix of a song of which the title completely escapes me at the moment. But now he's back with a new album and a new single, in which he is wisely following the steps of Sensei Spragg-on Sprag-off and chose not to release until the memory of him is so distant that not only is he a dot drowning deep in the horizon, he's about by dismembered by the passing propeller of the 'bad ship' HMS X Factor (season 10)
I'll be honest, the anticipation of this song was hardly setting my nipples alight
But wouldn't you just know it...
1st BEARABLE is indeed
This is song is more than BEARABLE, it's GOOD (as is my second BEARABLE too)
The only other song I know that makes we want to frantically air drum away like Animal from the Muppet's is Run To The Hills by Iron Maiden. This song had be dancing around my front room like a complete arsehole. Bravo Mr James, I doff my Burberry cap to you.
The style of this song reminds of, quite appropriately, Paul Weller's post-Jam venture The Style Council. A great mix of soul, saxophone, rock and kick-ass muthertrucking drums. Despite some pretty 'too much informational metaphor' overload in the lyrics of the chorus, this is up there with one of the best songs I've heard all year this far. It's up there with Rizzle Kicks 'Lost Generation' Daft Punk 'Get Lucky' and Will.I.AM 'Bang Bang' (or at least 70% of that song) Arthur does a great vocal too and the whole song is wonderfully visceral. You can tell it's by real musicians, as opposed to software packages.
A delightful surprise was that this week I also added another song on my rapidly growing 'best of' list, but for wonderfully different reasons....
Lorde - Royals
I've heard this song before in the background when I've had the music channel on and it's never grabbed my attention but when I sat down and properly listened to it, and then did so again with the lyrics I was amazed at what I was reading and hearing. I was reading them to make sure I wasn't imagining them sounding better than they were. I wasn't
This song is stripped down to the very marrow. There's hardly anything to it other then faint bass rumblings hand claps. It's one Flying Picket away from being acapella. There's nothing you can do but really listen to the words.
Even though this song is emphatically not a rap song seeing as Lorde's has a very nice singing voice indeed it almost feels like one. Better than that, it feels like big old FU to the superficial world that hip-hop and RnB have become a part of. I admire that a lot.
Apart from some slightly disconnected parts the lyrics of this song are very very good. Even the end part of the chorus where the words blend so much it sounds like it was taken from the 'Werewolves of London' is very cute. Then take into account that this girl is 16 years old and it becomes not only a good, but a revelation. If a 16 year old girl can create music and write such wonderfully observant and intelligently written lyrics it makes 'kidult' stars such as Cyrus and Bieber seem as inspirational and relevant to modern music as The Cheeky Girls.
I've been waiting for a song like this to come around for a very long time. A song shunning the lime-lit world of celebrity, overblinging lifestyle and going back to the basic yet pure sense of enjoying music for what it is. That's the code Lorde means. Like her friends we should try and crack it
Just like the film, what follows the 'Good' is inevitably
the BAD
Showtek FT We Are Loud and Sonny Wilson - Booyah
Just the name alone is enough for me to have concerns about this song. Are hip-hop/dance performers sticking religiously to the tactic of strength in numbers? Is that what they're trying to do? Invade and conquer our ear canals in some twisted war of attrition? Haven't these guys ever heard of the phrase 'too many cooks spoil the broth?' or how about the other phrase 'Quit serving us overly spoiled broth when we asked for a goddamn steak?'
Well I've heard this song three times and can't for the life of me think who it's for. You can't dance to it, you can't listen to it properly without your ears wanting to retreat into your brain stem and you can't sing along to it because that would require a melody. As a result I'm stumped and starting to wonder if this is indeed a song at all. Whatever it is, it's still BAD
Union J - Beautiful Life
As a song this is passable at best. Something you could have on in the background to keep Freddie Kruger away and will help you ignore that some devious apparitions have possessed all the mirrors in your house to make your reflection seem chillingly off every time you take a second glance... (or it will do now, muh ha ha ha hahaaaa)
But then again if you were in that situation you'd probably just play a song you actually like.
One thing which got me riled enough to make this a BAD song of the week is the lyrics; they are pitiful. I mean that, I pity the person that wrote them so much I want to give them a hug and reassurance before I bite their fingers off. It's bad enough that they describe the dark as something that you park your backside on but then they come up with this corker
Everybody’s gone and lost their mind It’s just the days we live in Most of the time
Ladies and gents: That is lyric writing sitting on the fence so hard it's got splinters in it's sphincter.
What's the point in saying that? Imagine if Bon Jovi's crowd participation opus was dillydallyfied like this:
We gotta hold onnn to what we got We possibly might make it but then possibly not We have each other and that's all right with us Now off to the shops
Such weak lyric writing. You want to make a point? Fine, then damn well stick with it, don't go sucking it off at the same time. You'll look a right plonker with it impaled in your fecking throat.
